These Airline Pilots Learn How Not To Talk To Engineers, The Hard Way

Engineers are some of the smartest people on the planet. Many of them go to college for as long as doctors and lawyers do, but few of them get any of the glory. The fact is, engineers are technical-minded people and they’re usually too busy solving the rest of the world’s problems to stop and enjoy a joke, especially when it’s something as serious as working on airplanes. Lives are at risk and people’s lives depend on these guys running a tight ship at all times. However, even the most stoic human beings have a sense of humor at times, and engineers are no exception. I’ve known a few engineers and I have to say that they have a dry sense of humor that will catch you off guard because you’re not expecting it. In the joke below, you’ll see some exchanges between FedEx pilots and the engineers that keep their planes running smoothly. The engineers nail it every single time. We don’t know if these scenarios actually happened, but they’re hilarious regardless. Enjoy!

After every flight, FEDEX pilots fill out a form, known as a ‘gripe sheet’ to tell mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem and then document their repairs on the form.

Here are some maintenance problems submitted by the pilots (marked with a ‘P’) and the solutions recorded (marked by an ‘S’) by maintenance engineers, who by the way have a sense of humor:
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Left inside main tyre almost replaced.

P: Test flight OK, auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back order.

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Can’t reproduce problem on the ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspect crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed in cockpit.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.