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It ‘Feels So Final’: Shannen Doherty Planning To Write Her Farewell Letters As Breast Cancer Takes Bad Turn

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For years now, actress Shannen Doherty has been engaged in a grueling battle with breast cancer. Sadly, doctors recently told her that her cancer has metastasized, and now the Beverly Hills, 90210 actresses will go about the grim task of putting together videos for her loved ones to remember her by. Doherty said that this would be her way of saying goodbye. However, she’s had a challenging time recording her videos or writing her farewell letters because it “feels so final,” according to Elle. Doherty, who was diagnosed with breast cancer back in 2015, said that she’s still not ready to be “put out to pasture.”

“I haven’t sat down to write letters. That’s something I need to do. There are things I need to say to my mom. I want my husband [Kurt Iswarienko] to know what he’s meant to me. But whenever it comes time for me to do it, it feels so final. It feels like you’re signing off, and I’m not signing off. I feel like I’m a very, very healthy human being. It’s hard to wrap up your affairs when you feel like you’re going to live another 10 or 15 years,” the 49-year-old told the publication.

She also confessed to appreciating the small pleasures life has to offer.

“I try to treasure all the small moments that most people don’t really see or take for granted. The small things are magnified for me. We have this endless well within us, and it’s just about continuing to dig in that well for the strength to face adversity—and so that we can also see all the beauty. It’s like anybody with Stage IV faces this sort of thing, where others want to put you out to pasture. I’m not ready for pasture. I’ve got a lot of life in me,” she continued, adding that the disease had only brought her closer to her husband Iswarienko.

Kurt and I look at each other with such profound respect now. He was my rock in every way possible, and he made sure I knew how much he loved and valued me. We have a much deeper appreciation [for each other] now, and a much larger capacity for forgiveness,” the actress told PEOPLE. Like every marriage, the couple had their fair share of good times and “growing pains.” At times, the pair would “lock horns,” leading them to not speak for a few days instead of getting the matter resolved then and there, she confessed.

She said things changed, and now they no longer take each other for granted.

“We don’t let a night go by mad at each other. The last time we had a big argument was pre-cancer,” shared Doherty. The actress announced the relapse of her breast cancer earlier this year on Good Morning America. Doherty, who revealed in 2017 that her cancer was in remission, shared, “It’s going to come out in a matter of days or a week that — I’m stage four. So my cancer came back. And that’s why I’m here. I don’t think I’ve processed it. It’s a bitter pill to swallow in a lot of ways.”

While talking about her health, she said,

“I definitely have days where I say, ‘Why me?’ And then I go, well, ‘Why not me? Who else? Who else besides me deserves this?’ None of us do. I would say that my first reaction is always concern about how am I going to tell my mom, my husband.” Doherty had been quietly battling cancer for more than a year but decided to share the news, saying, “I’d rather people hear it from me. I don’t want it to be twisted. I don’t want it to be a court document. I want it to be real and authentic,” she said. “And I want to control the narrative. I want people to know from me, I just didn’t want them to know yet.”

Coming to terms with a terminal illness is something many of us will never have to face. There are no right or wrong ways to go about it, and we admire Shannen’s strength to keep going and to share her story with the world. Hopefully, her story will inspire others going through the same struggles. You can watch a video featuring Shannon’s interview with Elle below.