Do you remember the first big essay you had to write? Where I went to school, we called it a term paper and it was the worst thing ever. We dreaded it for the entire year, and when it came time to start on it, we trembled in fear. It’s so odd looking back on it. What took an entire six weeks to pull together, I could write in a day now, perhaps even an hour. But as beginning writers, we were still learning and trying to figure out how it all worked. Besides that, we had to figure out how to best impress the teachers who would be grading these papers. Many of us waited until the last minute and those who didn’t agonized no less than those who waited until the 11th hour. Below, you’ll find 21 examples of kids who gave it their all on their papers. This brings back a lot of memories.
1. When she tried to sing, it sounded like a walrus giving birth to farm equipment.
2. Her eyes twinkled, like the moustache of a man with a cold.
3. She was like a magnet: Attractive from the back, repulsive from the front.
4. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
5. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
6. She had him like a toenail stuck in a shag carpet.
7. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
8. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
9. Her eyes were like the stars, not because they twinkle, but because they were so far apart.
10. His career was blowing up like a man with a broken metal detector walking through an active minefield.
11. The sun was below the watery horizon, like a diabetic grandma easing into a warm salt bath.
12. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes at a 7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30.
13. It was as easy as taking candy from a diabetic man who no longer wishes to eat candy.
14. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes before it throws up.
15. Their love burned with the fiery intensity of a urinary tract infection.
16. It’s basically an illusion and no different than if I were to imagine something else, like Batman riding a flying toaster.
17. If it was any colder, it would be like being in a place that’s a little colder than it is here.
18. Joy fills her heart like a silent but deadly fart fills a room with no windows.
19. The bird flew gracefully into the air like a man stepping on a landmine in zero gravity.
20. He felt confused. As confused as a homeless man on house arrest.
21. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.