Have you ever spent any time on Reddit? I love reading there. There’s so much good stuff. For example, there’s a sub-Reddit called “I Don’t Work Here Lady” that’s dedicated to stories about customers in stores mistaking other customers for employees. Apparently it’s a big enough phenomenon to warrant a sub-Reddit. Who knew? A few people appear to have a certain look that screams “store employee” because they’re frequent contributors. One guy sadly says he has the look of “lifelong retail worker” about him. That’s not a bad thing, surely? My husband says it happens to him a lot and he thinks it’s because he makes eye contact with people and smiles. Also, he’s always willing to help anyone. I don’t know if the story below is from that sub-Reddit but it’s hilarious. Enjoy.
(Im shopping at a large electronics store. Im dressed casually in a blue graphic tee which, if you arent paying attention, for a second might look like what the employees wear.)
Other Customer: I need you to find this for me.
(I dont respond as I am not aware that she is talking to me. I am reading the specs on the back of a box. The other customer then shoves an opened item in my hands on top of the box I am holding.)
Me: What the h***?!
Other Customer: HELLO?! FIND this for me.
Me: *hands it back to her* I dont work here. Work on your manners, lady.
Other Customer: *she just stares at me for a minute* YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!
(I just shake my head and start walking away. She is really getting on my nerves.)
Other Customer: *following me* STOP RIGHT THERE! You are NOT allowed to talk to paying customers that way!
Me: IM a paying customer. I dont work here! Go away!
Other Customer: I want to talk to your manager! You need to be fired for your attitude.
Me: They cant fire me if I dont work here. Stop following me!
(At this point, other people are staring, laughing at the lady, and sharing sympathetic looks with me.)
Other Customer: Oh, well see about that!
(A manager steps in as this lady has made a scene in the store and a lot of people have taken notice.)
Manager: What seems to be the problem here?
Other Customer: This b**** is giving me the worst attitude! I have never been treated so badly in all my life!
Me: And this psycho keeps following me around thinking I work here! I keep telling her I dont work here!
Other Customer: You wont be working here if you keep up your b****y attitude!
(The manager is clearly very uncomfortable.)
Manager: Uh, maam, she doesnt actually work here.
Other Customer: You need to handle this! Fire this b**** immediately!
(The manager looks around at the customers and employees who have gathered at a safe distance and are snickering at the scene. He looks at me and shrugs.)
Manager: *to me* Uh Youre fired, maam?
Me: *dramatically and smiling* YOU CANT FIRE ME BEFORE YOUVE EVEN HIRED ME!
Manager: *smiling* Id like to offer you a job as an associate. Awesome pay and benefits?
Me: Ill TAKE it!
Manager: Youre fired.
Me: NOOOOOOO! How could you?!
(The crowd starts laughing.)
Other Customer: Are you MOCKING me?!
Me: Hes just giving you what you demanded. Now quit bothering me.
(She turned bright red and stormed out of the store without another word.)