There’s an old saying that says “women are from Venus” and that “men are from Mars.” If generalities are any indication of what these places must be like, then Venus looks positively immaculate while Mars looks like a junkyard hit by a bomb. Of course, this view is a stereotype; there are some very neat guys out there as there are some rather messy ladies. But, let’s be honest; the cleanliness trends among the two sexes is mostly consistent. Guy’s tend to be more careless than women, when it comes to doing certain activities, such as taking a shower, for example. This fictional joke explains how men and women take showers very differently.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to the bathroom wearing a long robe.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror — make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use a washcloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off the shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of the shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in a super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend the majority of time washing privates and surrounding areas. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of the tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in the mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on the floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
If there is anyone who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something SO very wrong with you.